The "creator" in me

Creative… Not me

Posted on April 21, 2013 by wildcreativesoul

So I have once again fallen behind in my quest to be a creative soul. Life so often gets in my way and to be frank, I am getting tired of blogging about what I am NOT doing. So I decided to write a quick post talking about the creativity going on around me instead.

My girls each dance. The oldest who is 10, does ballet and jazz, and my middle girl does jazz. Both of them love it and work hard each week with their class. My oldest reminds me of a younger version of me. When I was her age I had the body type, the love of dancing and a certain amount of ability. The one thing I lacked was confidence. This was always my oldest girl too. She loves to dance and moves like she was born to do it, but when she gets in front of others usually becomes stilted and shy. Except for today! She blossomed today and looked like she belonged up there. I was in awe! My other daughter has the passion and the confidence but her body is still quite awkward. She is only seven, and this is her first real year of dancing so I get it. I hope one day her limbs and grace, match her heart!

The whole festival was nice. Girls (and a few boys too) who have worked hard all year, in beautiful costumes displaying their wild souls with their bodies through dance. Makes me miss those carefree days of being a kid. If I had to do it over again, I would dance like no one was watching… A thought I wish I could implant in my girls mind. I know though, that it isn’t until you are much older and wiser that you truly understand and know what that means and why it is so important to do!

So I haven’t been completely off the creativity wagon. My choir concert is in about 4 weeks, and rehearsals have been getting intense. We are doing a 50′s, 60′s and 70′s themed concert and I am excited. There will be costumes – bell bottoms and neon as well as my inner “pink lady” is going to come out. I even have a 8 bar solo! My kids are coming to see me, but not my hubby. He is out in the field again during that time (sigh – the life of a military wife), but I am sure he is more sad about it than me! All in all, pretty cool to experience and I am enjoying every second of it. Now to remember to sing like no one is listening!

One other thing… My girlfriend Kim said I should mention in my blog that I may not have a lot of time for quilting, writing or any of the other creative endeavours that I peruse, but I did make time to help her with her flat tire the other day and she said that should count! It probably doesn’t… But I will count it anyway, for her!!

Heres to making all things count.

And a month later…

Posted on March 17, 2013 by wildcreativesoul

Why do I do this to myself? I have set up expectations that I am never going to be able to fulfill!

In January I had set up my creativity schedule and I was going to use to get my creative juices working more times a week than NOT. I was going to blog, do the re-writes on my novel, crochet, quilt – and do it all once a week each.

Ha!

I’ve been lucky to do anything creative once a month. For those of you paying attention, it is already mid March. The year is flying by! I am not impressed with myself.

Now to be fair, life has been stressful. My husband, who is in the military, has been gone and back and gone again! I quit my old job and started a new one, but am working BOTH of them until the end of next week. Also the kids have been busy with dance pictures and other nonsense on non-scheduled days. All of this stuff gets in my way so easily, and as I type it out here today it all just sounds like excuses. Sigh…

But it will get better as I will be finished one job very soon. The new one is less hours which should help me free up time to be creative (as well as cook, and clean and all the other things I never get time for). I hope! More than anything, I want to get to my novel. Even though I have no idea what I’m going to do with it when I deem it finished, it looms over me as an unfinished project that needs to be done. To top it all off I have the stirrings of another story that sits in my brain needing me to put it down in writing, but I am afraid to start another when I can’t even finish the first. That’s all I need is a bunch of unfinished written projects… It’s hard enough to deal with the mounds of fabric and craft supplies that never materialize into brilliance!

So is there light at the end of the tunnel for me? Yes. Do I hope for bigger, brighter, more creative days in the NEAR future? Absolutely. Will I have a million more excuses on my horizon? Most likely. Sigh…

Ah, the dilemma of every want-to-be creator… Life!

Quilting WIP…

Posted on February 23, 2013 by wildcreativesoul

So last weekend I was filled with the urge to quilt. I usually fight it, or quiet the voice by numbing my mind on Pinterest or Facebook or whatever. But last weekend I gave in and finished the top of the quilt for my sister. What drew me to this quilt was the fabric – the quilt store I shop at frequently had made it a kit and that took all the guess work away. Kits generally work well for me as picking fabrics stress me out to no end! I love the Japanese prints, the colour and contrasts. The kit even had the template to cut the squares so it took very little thought on my part. I was all set to bang out the top of this quilt in record time and put it aside for the next gift giving holiday.
That was two years ago.
I had started well. I cut my squares and then sewed 4 together into a larger square. Then I was to take the template and cut the larger squares, which left the square looking like a lopsided square shape. I went through and cut, and cut, and cut. Except two of them I cut backwards. At first I didn’t think it would be a big deal, but upon closer inspection realized it was a VERY big deal. The jigsaw wouldn’t fit together if they weren’t all cut the same way. I tried to problem solve my way out of the mistake by using scraps of left over fabric. It didn’t work, and the results were two sloppy squares in the middle of all these lovely squares. Well I was pissy about it, packed it all up and left it!
About a year later I dug it out again, and went to the quilt store to get a couple of fat quarters to re-cut and re-sew the squares. Only by then they no longer had they exact same fabrics. The sales lady was helpful and we found suitable replacements, but when I brought it home I was still miffed, and continued to pout. Now my lovely Japanese quilt was going to be imperfect. Did it matter? As with most quilts, I think that unless you’re a quilter you probably would never notice. Not even my sister would notice even though she notices everything. I couldn’t do it though. I packed it away again, feeling cheated.
Until last weekend. I had told myself I would not start a new project until I completed the ones I had. So I dug out this poor lonely quilt and finished up the top. And you know I was right. You can’t really see the mistakes… And even if you can it doesn’t take away from the pretty fabric or unique design. I like it – and now I can pick out the borders and the back fabric and give it as a gift… Proudly. (Well I should wait on that – the quilt is far from done and who knows what mistakes I will make next.)
Here are a few pictures…

Close up – can you see the mistakes?

The Pattern

The top of my Japanese Jigsaw Quilt

I am also working on a quilt for one of my kids. Again, it is a pattern that I found at the quilt shop but this time I had to pick out the fabric myself (although I did have lots of help again from the lady in the shop!). I am not following the pattern exactly. This pattern calls me to use fat quarters, and I have some of those but I also had to get a panel of fairies that I had to adapt into squares. Again – it could go horribly wrong but I am going to give it a shot. I will be using the same pattern for my son’s quilt but his will be Dr Seuss printed fabric. Pictures of the start of the fairy quilt is below.

Atkinson Designs quilt pattern I am using to build twins quilts…

Fairy Fabric for my daughter’s quilt

So I am back in the quilting saddle and it feels pretty good. I am not doing a lot of writing, or editing or rewriting now. I am hoping to soon though. I did get the new job and I am hoping this will free up some time to do more creative things. Time will tell on that!

Happy quilting!

some links for you if you want to have a closer look at the patterns Atkinson Designs Tracey Brookshier

Stress Management

Posted on February 11, 2013 by wildcreativesoul

pic from drmommyonline.com found on PINTREST

I don’t suppose anyone does well with stress.

If anyone was to ask me what would be the cure for stress I would easily tell them to do something that brings them joy or peace. For me that is being creative. I don’t feel stress when I am quilting and I don’t feel stress when I am writing. I just create. As a matter of fact, being creative quite often makes me forget most things… including feeding my kids (and as they tell me often, they actually need to eat at least 3x a day!).

So my life got stressful in January. Not earth shattering crazy stress – no deaths, serious illnesses, no divorces or infidelity. Nothing massive caused stress. It was just regular old life stress. Kids are extra busy, my work is piling up with no end in sight, meals to make, house to clean etc. Normal stuff. But I have been contemplating a career or job change and things started to move rather quickly and I panicked, hence the stress.

So ask me, how did I handle it? Did I quilt?

No.

Did I write?

No.

Did I crochet, edit my novel, make cards, scrapbook, sing and play music?

No.

What did I do?

I shut down.

Yes, I do not practice what I preach and that makes me a hypocrite. I come home, make what meals I can scrape together and then sit! I think I’ve told you all about my recent I-DEVICE addiction so I may play a game, look on pintrest, stalk people on Facebook and all that stupid mindless stuff. I watch tv and essentially close off my brain the minute I can manage it. Not helpful and certainly not productive.

The good news is I finally have light at the end of my tunnel. I have applied for a new job which will be less hours and way less money (who needs money anyway?) but it will give me more time to do my LIFE and create. It will also allow me room to grow, learn, and maybe decide what it is I actually want to do with my life when I grow up. I don’t have the job yet, and regardless if I get this job or not I acted. The world of change is not so scary now that I have acted in a positive way. I took charge of what was weighing me down.

And now that I’ve acted, I feel like I can see my way clear to create again. I want to pick up a book instead of dive into the mind numbing tv. I will pick up the Ipad to check messages and to plan out my activities and use my meal planning app and financing app. (Okay – I will likely play a game or two too but I don’t feel the need to lose myself in my virtual farm life!) I want to delve into my novel, add more, take away the garbage and see a final product. And the Japanese Jigsaw Quilt is as good as done in my mind! I can get my head out of the fog and see my way past all of the stress.

Finally!

And if not… there is always wine!

Pic found on Pintrest

The Flu Has Over Run My HOME!

Posted on January 15, 2013 by wildcreativesoul

That is my excuse anyway. I wanted to have this wonderful post, get momentum for this year but what has slowed me down is the flu. I don’t have the flu (not yet anyway) but 2 out of my 3 kids have had it over the last few days and I have been house bound and off work. So.. you say… why aren’t you using the time that you are home to do some of the creative projects you have lined up? Well, I have been. Sort of. Off and on when I can I am doing a bit, but I just get started and then have to run to deal with yet another pukey kid (sorry for the graphic image I just put in you head!). It just got easier to block it all out and do mindless stuff. Like play stupid games on my I-Device. And like watch Season 1 of the Vampire Diaries that I recently downloaded (stupid stupid woman that I am, have now just become addicted to yet another tv show that I missed the 1st time around!). Anyway… this blog will be short and sweet as there really isn’t a whole lot to report – unless you want to hear more about the puke! Didn’t think so!

I did do another performance with a few of the ladies from my woman’s vocal group. It was kind of my nightmare come to life but with a happy ending. One of the reasons I joined a group (a large group at that) is that I blend in. No one can see me or hear me that well! Just the way I like to sing – unnoticed. But on Saturday, we were doing some music for a Christmas party (yes a Christmas party in January) and only 6 of us were there. ONLY 2 woman per part. NO HIDING! But, I managed. I must have sounded okay as the director didn’t come up to me afterward and say not to bother coming back… so all’s well that ends well I guess.

I also started editing my first draft of my novel. I was so anxious and nervous. It was going to suck, I was going to be disappointed and feel like a big loser. I don’t do well in January to begin with – lack of sunlight I am sure – and so I was working myself up to feel really terrible and extra depressed. The truth is I’ve got almost 1/2 way throught the re-read with some LIGHT editing as I go, and it wasn’t so bad. I laughed at a few parts because I said something witty, my chest tightened in some of the more romantic parts when I felt their feelings. A big moment for me! Now, I am not saying it is a book that will EVER see the light of day… no decisions have been made yet on that, but I surprised myself. It didn’t suck as bad as expected. Okay… I can continue!

I also started a crochet baby blanket, I will post the details about it in another post. I chose a baby blanket because I had the wool. I am not too thrilled with it right now though. It will be cute, but because I have no idea what I am going to do with it, it doesn’t have the same appeal as other projects. Mind you, I have no idea what I am doing with my novel either but I am excited about that project! Huh! Whatever… I think the other part of the problem with the crochet project is that I like to crochet in front of the tv and I can’t seem to concentrate on crocheting while watching the Vampire Diaries (again I’ll say, stupid, stupid woman!).

So that is it for now. Wishing you a wonderfully creative week!

A picture for you. I couldn’t help myself!

Organized… well at least for January!

Posted on January 7, 2013 by wildcreativesoul

I am probably not alone in this, but when January arrives I am always eager to put some new protocols in place in order to maximize my time and energy. I look at the kids schedules, my personal appointments, husband’s work schedule and then our volunteer commitments. I map out our time so I can see where gaps are in order to be more efficient than I was the previous year. When should I vacuum, dust, do bathrooms so that I don’t have to waste an entire day cleaning? What about groceries, or family night, or a time to entertain friends? How do I fit it all in so I am not behind the eight ball constantly and feeling miserable about it?

I do this every year. I schedule workouts, bill paying day and even some time with nothing so that I am not scheduled to death. Do I always manage to stick with this schedule through out the year? No, not always. I fall off the plan often and to be honest I am okay with that. I re-evaluate through out the year and sometimes just get bogged down with life that the whole plan goes out the window. But there is something cathartic about being able to have a better plan, a better idea of how to proceed in the year to follow. It allows me to let go of the crap, the tense moments of trying to do it all well, but constantly feeling like I am horibly failing at pieces of it. I can be proactive towards solutions instead, to make my life better.

So January always feels fresh with possibilities. I can attempt to be organized and clear about what I want to have happen with my year.

This January was not much different, with one notable exception. I had vowed awhile back that I would make room for creativity in my life. But in order to not let the other pieces of my life get in my way, I felt I needed to schedule times to create. I hope I don’t always have to carve out time specific for creating, I hope one day I will create when I have a vision/feeling or internal push to create. For now though I need to practice ALLOWING myself to have time in my week to be creative. So in my grand schedule, I have made time for my novel, quilting, choir, and of course blogging. Other projects may happen when the muse strikes, but I do think I need to be purposeful about the commitments I made to specific projects that I have already started. The urge to create with purpose was started in 2012, and so in 2013 I need to make sure I honour that.

As I have been taking down Christmas decorations I have been setting up my space to make these things happen. I have a dedicated sewing area, which is a big step. Quilting on the dining room table had become problematic with a family of 5 that ~~wants~~ needs to eat regularly! The thought of wasting time digging out, organizing and putting away a project everytime I want to work on it, quite frankly, puts me off. I am LAZY! The more work it will take me to set it up, the less likely I am to do it. So I set up a small corner of my family room that has a table for me sew. I had set up a small tv table in the corner of our library so I can write. (The LIBRARY is not as pretentious as it sounds – really it’s just the formal sitting room in our house, and not being “formal” kind of people, we decided to put up a bunch of bookshelves and call it a library!) The writing area is out of the way but comfortable and so it is ideal. As my kids get older and don’t need to be all over everywhere in the house, I finally get to carve out some spaces that I can be “me” in. And a bonus, my kids get to realize that I am more than just “mom”. I always preach to my kids about the power of their imaginations, now I can model that behavior out in the open for them to see.

Organized? I think I am as organized as I am going to get. I know to some I sound a bit anal about it all. Time management, schedules, carving out places to do things is not very spontaneous. The truth is I am NOT really that organized or rigid about how things happen. I just get this opportunity once a year to start out with a clean, fresh slate and I want to make the most of it.

PLAN A….

What have you done to make 2013 a year of growth and creativity for yourself?

Feeling Alive!

Posted on December 20, 2012 by wildcreativesoul

I have been feeling pretty guilty lately about my creativity. Since the completion of NaNOWriMo I stopped everything… or so it seemed. I diligently wrote my novel almost everyday for a month, tried to make blog posts once a week, crocheted my scarf and then at the same time tried to live the rest of my “real” life. When I had finally made it to November 30th I shut down.

Okay, that is not entirely true, I guess I just shut down the writing aspect of my creativity. I did finish up final rehearsals’ for the Women’s Vocal Ensemble I joined this year and completed the 2 performances we had for Christmas. That was pretty creative for me. The whole thing was very exciting as I had not been a part of an official singing group in probably 20 years (eek – that makes me feel old). It was a great reminder of how much I love being on stage. The rush of nerves prior to a show, the energy you feel from an audience during the performance and the “high” you feel when you are done. Truly an amazing feeling all around but it is funny how I was quick to not count it as part of my creativity. It probably is because it was not just MY achievement but a group effort. I think it still counts, though. Given how wonderful it felt to be a part of, and how incredible the connections were between me and some of the other members, I am considering increasing my commitment and joining a second mixed choir. A little bit more time needed for rehearsals and for potential performances, but I imagine it will be well worth the extra I will need to put in.

So for the rest of December (there really isn’t much left of this month really) I am going to concentrate on the joy of a year full of amazing accomplishments. MY accomplishments. I made no more money this year, caused myself stress and anxiety for targets and goals of my own design for the betterment of no one but me. AND I think it was worth it. I started out in a quiet dark place at the beginning of the year but feel now I am coming alive again.

Plans for January
I will need to dive into my NaNoWriMo project – edit it, re-write and maybe decide what the hell I am going to do with it! I still have not told anyone other then you all (and my hubby of course) that I even did this project. I am having great angst over this right now – probably because I haven’t actually done anything on it since I hit my word target, but I need some closure on this. Well, closure is not the right word as I have a feeling it won’t be a “closed/completed” project for a LONG time. Whatever the case I need to get back in to it and sort it out! I am also planning a quilt project. I started a Japanese quilt probably about 2 years ago and made a few mistakes here and there so I put it away for a bit. I would really like to get it complete before June as it will go to my sis for her birthday. I think these two things, plus the choir will be enough on my creative plate for awhile.

I have not posted completed pictures of my crochet SPUD & CHLOE scarf yet, so here they are.

My oldest Iris modeling the scarf

Maea, my other daughter showing off my scarf!

Both of my daughers modeled it for me! (You can’t see it in the pics I have posted but they both have on my high heels because apparently models wear high heels – even to model a scarf!) I like the scarf well enough, especially the colors, but to be honest I was not impressed with where each row joins together or where I’ve “hidden” the strings when I changed colors. I don’t know you all well enough to show you pics of my mistakes so take my word for it, it is less than perfect. In my defense, it was my first crochet project in a LONG while, and quite frankly it shows!

I hope to post one more time before the New Year. Here’s to hoping the busyness of the holiday season doesn’t keep my from that goal.

Wild Soul

Posted on December 7, 2012 by wildcreativesoul

“Wild Soul” by Lewis Lavoie

I don’t want to get preachy… and this may not be your experience or your preference in how you see your life or your creativity. I needed to share this though, as it has profoundly affected my creativeness in the past few months.

Our pastor at the church I attend just recently finished a sermon series on the Wild Soul. He explains that a wild soul is spirit filled. He goes on to explain that it is our soul that should be the director of our decisions and our life. Most people are guided by situations with one of these four avenues: your mind, your ego, your will, or your emotions. The soul in these instances is shy and we use one of these other ways to help guide us through. For example, I tend to react to things using my emotions and if that doesn’t work I use my will. Decisions, reactions, and plans are all built by using my emotions first and then if that doesn’t work I FORCE it to work with my will. My husband on the other hand says he usually uses his mind and then maybe his ego. No matter how you proceed through life, my pastor’s thought is that it should be the SOUL first and always that guides you.

The concept of the soul being wild then is the ability to get your soul out of hiding. There were many ways in which he described over the past 8 or 9 weeks to help bring your soul out of hiding that I won’t go into here. The bottom line is that if we continue to hide our soul and are using our will, or ego, or emotions or our mind as the control tower of our life, we kind of miss the point in living a true life, a Christian filled life.

This is what inspired the creation of this blog (hence the name wildcreativesoul). I believe my creativeness comes from my soul, from God, and I have hidden it for a big chunk of my life. I am working on the wildness, not only in my life as a whole but also with my creativity. I feel my life is becoming richer because of this change!

My church is filled with creative people. We have many worship teams with musicians and singers, we have cooks and bakers (all whom are very creative and donate their creations to people who have need), we have quilters, as well as many other artists. One artist, Lewis Lavoie, is a painter that I have had the privilege of watching do live paintings. On the day of the final sermon in this series, Lewis did another live painting during the service to show us his version of the “Wild Soul”. I can’t rightly explain all that Lewis envisioned when he painted this as I would not be able to do it justice, but he did say that sometimes he feels we live in a zombie generation, caught up in life as zombies, but what we are attracted to is the “alive” person, the person with the wild soul. This person stands out amongst all of the grey.

I had to share it, as to me it depicts where I hope one day to be. Check out more of Lewis Lavoie stuff at his website here.

I did it!!!

Posted on November 29, 2012 by wildcreativesoul

No time for a full blog post but needed to share this out loud! I just finished 51206 words and completed the rough draft of my first novel!

YEEHAW!!

(picture a seriously outrageous happy dance happening right now.)

Who knew?

I have no idea what I will do next, how I will edit, how I will re-write or when I will know that I am truely done. But for tonight I am truely happy that I did it!

This definately is the wildest thing I have ever done in my life!

I am doing it!

Posted on November 20, 2012 by wildcreativesoul

No one is more amazed than me by this whole NaNoWriMo project I started. Last night after procrastinating for a whopping 5 days I finally caught up on my word count. 31, 826 words! Crazy, right? The most words I probably have ever put together in my life! Who knew all of that was stored in my brain! Or better yet, who know my brain was so good that I could create that many words that go together to form a story from essentially nothing!

Not only have a written that obscene amount of words, I have also written my very first love scene. (Did I mention my novel is a romance? I figure I should write what I know, and I KNOW romance novels!) No good romance novel is complete without good sex – or the promise of good sex anyway. And since I am NOT yet adept at making my words represent the feelings of passion or love or desire felt by 2 people, I felt it would be best to just come right out and say it, be blunt and obvious. So I did, a sex scene!

I don’t mind admitting this has been causing me great heartache. I am not a prude by any stretch and I am not shy. I have read many romance novels, some with blatant in your face sex, some with subtle more quiet words to depict the idea of sex, and some that just beat around the bush completely and let you imagine what goes on behind closed doors. All very good strategies that seem appropriate within the context of whatever novel I was reading at the time. But knowing how it was suppose to look on a page and knowing how to actually put the words on the page myself are 2 totally, completely different things!

I didn’t want to be crass and have this foul “trucker” mouth. I didn’t want to shy away and sound like a some 14 year old who had no idea of the REAL words to use. I also really, really, REALLY wanted to get at the true feelings and the emotion behind the sex in the book. This will after all be a Happily Ever After so the emotion and reasoning needcd to be clear, not just sex thrown in for sex sake. I also did not want to be so factual about it that it sounds more like instructions for putting together furniture. Then I started worrying about the prospect that someone, at some point MAY actually read it. What would they think of it? Of ME? On and on I stressed.

I even thought about skipping the scene entirely and trying to go forward without it. I could just pretend it happened and then go back and write it later. The sudden realization that I was behind in my word count and the pressure to write – ANYTHING- loomed before me. So I just bit the bullet and did it!

And you know what, it was easier than I imagined. Like all things with this project I just needed to sit my ass down and write, and once I did the words flowed. My sister always says the hardest part of any workout is lacing up your running shoes. This is a lot like that. The hardest part of writing seems to be sitting in the chair in front of the computer.

I have no idea as to the quality of the words, or if the emotion I aimed for was captured. I am dying to go back and read it again and analyze it, but I won’t. No editor for now, just the words. I hope it sounds as good as it felt when I wrote them. I hope I won’t be horribly embarrassed when I finally get down to the re-writes and the edits.

All in all, another check mark in the “I did it” column. Score for me!

The "creator" in me

Follow “wildcreativesoul”